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The Last Ten Months


I remember years gone by
The happiness I'd felt
When I read of Lestat's adventures
And my heart would surely melt

Inside, I had an illusion
Which helped me through all bad days
That if Lestat were real, he would find me
And we'd love each other in all the ways

So solid was this illusion
It kept me strong and confident as can be
For Lestat would never turn me down
I'd be the only sun he'd want to see

Then came the forum
And I romanced him with words from my soul
My poetry seemed endless
For Lestat had always been my goal!

I sent to him my feelings
Laced with love and hints of hope
I told him of my illusion
Which throughout my life had helped me cope

But, his words were few and far between
It seemed he didn't want to know
He saw me as a numbered human
And my emotions came quite low

My illusion threatened to be shattered
By the neglect of the one I thought would care
I felt my world around me crumble
I found my soul torn apart, stripped bare

I wrote to him every day
Determined to romance him and win
But his words were few and infrequent
I felt my poetry was in his waste bin

I began to lose my spirit
For this was never meant to be
I felt a loss that could not be described
For he did not truly want to know me

Then, he found a mortal lover
My world began to splinter in turn
He happily described the lover
Whilst my world took flame and burned

You ask me why I did not leave?
I really did thrice try
But Lestat seemed not to notice this
I'd not be missed were I to die

But I came back because of friends
Those beloveds that I knew
But along with my friends, I feared
The one called Lestat would come too

Feelings started to return
Anger, cravings, longings and rejection
I'd never been part of a forum
Where Lestat seemed to have a cold and heartless reception

The worst thing of all of this
I believe the forum is quite real
And if that is the case, all is lost
The bells have lost their heav'nly peal

Yet, I retain my dignity
And if Lestat were to now come
I'd slam the door in his face
For I'm his Rejected, Number One

One day, I will take my life
Because everything is gone for me
I want to know no world
In which Lestat lives eternally

He's shattered all my illusions
Made me feel like a nothing in his sight
My body will die soon
And nothing will ever put it right

I'm coming close to the end
And I cannot bear this pain
That Lestat himself inflicted
Over and over again

Adieu, my heartless beloved
How I wished you'd read me right
Its too late to make amends now
For I have nothing in me left to fight

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